10 Tips for Finding a Medical Professional For Your Child
By Jan Hunt
1. Well
before treatment is needed, help your child to prepare emotionally for
medical procedures. Play "dentist,” "doctor" or "hospital,” read
relevant books about children having medical treatment. To help your
child become familiar with medical instruments before treatment is
needed, find real instruments (such as a rubber pick and plastic dental
mirror) or create "play" ones (such as using a piece of fabric as a
blood pressure wrap). Medical treatment can be frightening to a child,
especially if there are too many new and strange things to learn about
all at once.
2. Find
respectful, kind and skilled caregivers now, and ask for your family to
be accepted as their patients. If there is an emergency, you won't have
time to check out recommendations. Ask your friends, other parents, La
Leche League leaders and anyone else whose opinions you trust to
recommend professionals who genuinely like children and respect their
needs. Holistic medical personnel such as naturopathic dentists and
pediatricians are usually patient and kind with children. It can be well
worth the extra effort, such as driving to another town, to avoid
traumatic medical experiences.
3. Be
aware that most adults, regardless of their profession, do not "get it"
that children deserve to be treated with dignity and respect (most
likely because they were not treated respectfully in their own
childhoods). "Drive defensively" when medical treatment is needed. Don't
assume that because someone went to dental school, nursing school or
medical school that they understand the critical importance of early
childhood experience. This essential topic was almost certainly not
covered in their classes. (A pediatric dentist once criticized me for
nursing my son in toddlerhood, even though one of the many benefits of
nursing is to help set the jaw properly and help prevent the need for
braces later on.)
4.
Remember that medical professionals can be very intimidating. The usual
argument for parent-child separation is that medical personnel can
"better get their work done." A helpful reply is that you also have work
to do — to provide critically important emotional support — and
that with both of you doing your respective jobs, your child will
receive the best possible care. You might remind them that everyone,
child or adult, recuperates better and more quickly if given strong
emotional support and that someone closely bonded to the child can best
provide this. The Charter of Rights for Children in Hospitals includes
recommendations that also apply to office visits (you have our
permission to print and share this article).
Be aware that children, like the elderly, often receive less pain
medication than do adults. A child can experience great pain but feel
powerless to ask for help. Stay on your child’s side by validating his
experience, and never hesitate to ask the staff for immediate pain
relief to be given to your child.
5.
Unless you have an emergency situation, always meet the staff well in
advance before scheduling an appointment. Even so, be aware that no
matter how cordial the staff may seem during a preliminary meeting, that
may say little about how they actually see children.
To find a professional who will work in close partnership with your
child as well as with you, always bring the child with you to see how
they interact with him or her. Relying on even a glowing recommendation
without first meeting the dentist, doctor or nurse may not be enough.
Another family may have had a good experience because of numerous
factors that do not apply to you or your child: the doctor may have had
more personal rapport with the other family, he or she may have been in a
better mood at the time, their child may have been older, more
outgoing, or have had previous positive experiences with medical/dental
visits. The procedure may also have been different and not as difficult.
6. Ask
for a detailed, step-by-step description of what will happen during the
entire appointment. If the staff is reluctant to give this information
to you, go elsewhere. When my son needed surgery, I asked for and
received a very detailed description of the procedure. Unfortunately, I
was not told that they would take him forcefully from my arms and rush
him into surgery, locking me out of the room and ignoring my protests.
7. All
too often, medical personnel can be intimidating and critical when their
procedures are questioned. And when a child needs medical treatment,
the parent is naturally distracted and worried, making communication
more difficult. For these reasons, it can be very helpful to bring along
an ally – a spouse, friend or relative with similar views to step in
if you are having difficulty communicating your wishes and to show that
your views are not unique or odd. Your friend may also have creative
solutions you may not have considered, such as having the child on your
lap during a dental appointment. Whatever you suggest, be polite but
assertive: "I'll be staying with her," or "I'd prefer to stay, thank
you," and walk in as if you have given permission.
8. If
the procedure is an elective one, remember that your legal consent is
needed. If all else fails and your child’s critical needs for support
and comfort are being ignored, make it clear that you can and will
withdraw permission if necessary. If you find yourself in a really
difficult situation, ask to speak to the head nurse, department head or
hospital administrator. Don’t be deceived by a nurse’s claim that
there is "no one higher." Again, having an ally present can be very
helpful if the situation requires such a confrontation. Remember that
you owe far more to your child than to a stranger, regardless of their
professional status.
9. Be
especially careful about making promises to your child that you may not
be able to keep. For example, before promising to be present in the
recovery room, be sure that this is possible and that all relevant
personnel are informed of this plan. Although I had permission from my
son’s doctor to be present when he awoke, the nurses on duty that day
had not been informed. Broken promises endanger the trust between parent
and child and should always be avoided.
10.
Finally, send a letter after the procedure, letting the staff know what
worked and what didn't. This type of feedback is essential for effecting
positive changes in our medical institutions. And don’t limit such
letters to negative experiences. Applauding the efforts of staff members
who were particularly supportive can be the most helpful feedback of
all.
Even the most meticulous planning won't guarantee that you aren't
surprised by dental/medical procedures or policies. If something goes
amiss, be prepared to validate your child's feelings of being abandoned
or betrayed. Accept the anger and allow it to be expressed safely (such
as by providing pillows for pounding), and accept and express your own
anger and disappointment. Tell your child how you feel, what you wish
you had done and what your child deserved to have had from you and from
the doctor. Apologize and reassure him that it was not deliberate on
your part. Show with your words and actions that you are on his side,
even though things went wrong. We can only do the best we can, learn
from our mistakes and hopefully, do better next time.
